10 Common Causes of Relationship Conflict

Relationships are enriching, fun and enjoyable. However, there are times when disagreements arise. Many do not understand that disagreements are beneficial to a relationship. They are avenues for enrichment allowing the potential for growth and empowerment. However, allowing disagreements to lead to conflict is devastating to relationship synergy and typically leads to divorce and discord. Knowing these 10 Common Causes of Conflict will help you avoid hostilities within your relationship:

1. Money/finances.

Many couples have disagreements about finances and accumulation of debt. A common cause of conflict is not assigning a spouse as head of finances. Most corporations, where millions and even billions of dollars are exchanged have VP’s of finance, allowing expertise to spearhead decisions and hold others accountable. Yet most relationships do not have a “head of finance” and thus make individual financial decisions that hurt the relationship’s profitability. As a result, disagreements about purchasing decisions arise leading to conflict. Having no system of financial accountability is a guarantee of conflict.

2. Sex.

A common cause of conflict in relationships is withholding of sex. Spouses will use sex as a means of getting their way or as a tool of influence over the other, especially during disagreements. When it is perceived they are not getting their way, they will justify withholding sex. As disagreements grow, frequency and quality of sex is severely limited leading to conflict. Sexual conflict is one of the root causes of infidelity and divorce.

3. Children.

Many couples experience disagreements about children in areas such as rearing, care, discipline, education, etc. A common cause is a lack of understanding of the natal personality of spouse. For example, in the area of discipline, there are some spouses whose natal personality will make them prone to leniency or hands off approach, while others may lean to a heavy-handed or authoritative approach. Many people in general feel their perspective, which is colored by natal personality, is correct in regards to the child. Spouses will exert their perspective as a rule of thumb upon each other diluting the child’s sense of direction. This results in an underdeveloped child manifesting incorrect behaviors. Spouses will blame each other for the condition of the child leading to conflict. Not understanding the influence of natal personality over parenting is a common cause of conflict.

4. Household Responsibilities.

Many disagreements occur because of neglected household responsibilities and chores. In most cases, duties are assumed based upon gender and are never discussed, fairly assigned by workload capacity and verbally accepted. As workload capacity is maximized, spouses becomes disgruntle leading to disagreement. If this situation is neglected or taken for granted, then it will turn to conflict. This especially becomes a problem when both spouses work and have careers.

5. Time Apart.

Many disagreements in a relationships spawn from limited time together as a family and as husband and wife. The problem arises when spouses have differing values on what is important and necessary for family. One spouse may place a high value on the economic well being of family, which will drive the absorption into work or business, while the other places an importance on family and development, which will drive the absorption into family. Differing values will drive spouses apart eventually leading to conflict.

6. Resistance to change bad habits.

Many disagreements arise in relationships because spouses resist the need to change habits or destructive vices that have been proven time and time again to destroy relationship synergy. Many will hide behind the saying, “love me for me” or the unconditional love concept. Unconditional love is not about acceptance of bad habits it is about recognizing liabilities and promoting change. Relationships are about change and empowerment and any resistance to such will lead to conflict.

7. Friends.

Friends may attempt to hold you to standards and lifestyles, which may be antagonistic to your relationship values. They should have the same values supportive of your relationship. Friendships should encourage and support high values. When they don’t, they are a common cause of relationship conflict.

8. Family.

Many family members or in-laws cause disagreement because of bias towards their child or sibling vs. seeing them as a part of a greater organism. Instead of using experience to assist the relationship as a whole, they take sides without question and in some cases co-signing incorrect behavior. This invigorates a spouse’s point of view leading to conflict.

9. Incorrect Expectations.

Many people have an over romanticized view of their relationship from entertainment or upbringing. When the relationship doesn’t live up to these standards it is perceived as not supporting happiness. When this occurs spouses are blamed as being obstructive to happiness leading to conflict.

10. Mistrust.

Many spouses do not understand or know how they arrived at mistrust. It could be the result of a situation that took place within the relationship or an accumulation of life experiences. Whichever the case, if you have mistrust you do not have a relationship. Attempting to function in a relationship with mistrust will cause conflict and ruin relationship synergy.

As you pursue a prosperous, enjoyable and fulfilling relationship, understanding the 10 Common Causes of Relationship Conflict will allow you to make adjustments to prevent conflict and elevate your chances of achieving success.

Ra Ama Hetep Amen has been a Synergy Coach for over 10 years. He has close to 15 years of business and sales experience with some of the top fortune 500 companies both in the pharmaceutical and financial services arena. He has also held the position of branch manager with one of the top financial services companies. He has over 10 years of experience and training in traditional African philosophy with an emphasis on ancient Egyptian principles and personality methodologies. He has been married 19 years and counting and has three children. Catch up with him on Twitter at @RaAmaHetep or Facebook at Ra Ama Hetep Amen.

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